I am here too!
My boss called and told me it is Ok not to go to work today! I think I am fired!
I miss my Jasper, I miss my dog so much that I see him in my dreams!
Do you think I am going to miss my children as much as I miss this dog? I don't think so
after all those years thinking about having children and wanting to be a mother, this is how I
feel now.
I don't think I can handle being a mom. It is a difficult position. It is fucking hard
We decided not think about it until summer, maybe I will be ready by then.
One of the ways to escape depression is eating Zeresh Polo Ba Morg
Mom's version of course! the one I cook just make you more depressed :D
اینجا رسمه که هر کسی اول سال برای خودش یه لیست از کارهایی که می خواد تو اون سال انجام بده رو تهیه می کنه و سعی می کنه در طول سال یکی یکی انجامشون بده. من هم یه لیست تهیه کردم. امیدوارم که به بقیه ی لیست های بایگانی شده اضافه نشه!
قبل کریسمس هم تو رادیو حرف این بود که سعی کنید این کریسمس کینه ها رو دور بریزید و همدیگه رو ببخشید. مردم هم زنگ می زدن و می گفتن که آره مثلا من بعد بیست سال پدرم رو بخشیدم و اینا. من هم سعی کردم دو نفر آدمی رو که هنوز نتونستم ببخشمشون رو ببخشم. اما نمی دونم که باید بهشون بگم که اونا رو بخشیدم ؟ البته اونها نمی دونن که من ازشون کینه دارم و هنوز نبخشیدمشون! حالا اگر من بیام مثلا برای طرف یه نامه بنویسم که برو وجدانت آسوده باشه من تو رو بخشیدم ممکنه بهم بخنده. نه؟!
البته تا زمانی هم که بهشون نگم نمی تونم مطمئن باشم که بخشیدمشون. یکیشون رو شاید بتونم ببخشم حتی اگر بهش نگم. اما دومی رو نمی دونم...نمی خوام ببخشمش انگار! چند وقت پیشها از یکی شنیدم که پا درد بدی گرفته و با عصا راه می ره و مادرش هم مریضی لاعلاجی گرفته. اما خب من که نفرینش نکرده بودم که حالا دلم خنک بشه. حتی اگر بمیره هم نمی تونه اون تاثیر منفی ای که تو زندگی من گذاشته رو از بین ببره. واسه همین هنوز نبخشیدمش. دلم می خواد یه کارت با امضای ناشناس براش بفرستم و بگم ای روح خبیث من تو رو بخشیدم اما نمی دونم که کافیه یا نه! از گفتن کلمه ی > متنفرم< همیشه بدم میومده. چون این کلمه خیلی بار منفی داره. واسه همین درست نیست که این کینه رو همراه خودم داشته باشم. برای سلامتیم خوب نیست. امیدوارم روزی انرژی لازم رو برای بخشیدنش به دست بیارم.
پی نوشت: نفر اول رو همین الان بخشیدم. برای دومیش به کمک احتیاج دارم! انرژی بفرستید!
It was a nice holiday
especially because it ended with my best friends' phone call from Iran.
It is so comforting when I know where they are and what they are doing and they know where I have been and how was my day.
My joy was completed
After almost four years, they are still among the most important people in my life
and they always will be
Since this computer does not have Farsi font and...
NO.I have to stop explaining myself. this is MY weblog for fuck sake!
Winter is here, I'm not so happy about it. I love fall, fall is always happier than winter. I don't know why some people think fall is sad; for me , winter is too serious, and I'm not a serious person
I went back to Facebook and deleted more people from my friend's list. I wish I could delete .
.the whole family members but I'm afraid of hurting their feelings
My body is not facing 30 very well, something is going on and I hate going to doctors.
Everything is different here, sometimes, life is easier and sometimes its harder. it's 50/50; not perfect all the times. for example, going to doctor is much harder than Iran, they are short in doctors, so it is so hard to find a good one. Or maybe its not harder, it is just so different.. .
.Another example is buying presents for Christmas .In Persian new year, you only get presents for your friends and family members of your age or younger, but in here you should buy present for every member of the family. Now I have a long list of friends and family and I don't know what to buy for who? For me, it is a fun project to do because I love buying presents more than receiving them (I know, I'm a weird woman) but at the same time, it is time consuming and expensive.